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Commentary
AGING WELL: What younger folks wish older folks would learn Missy Buchanan, Sep 17, 2009
Missy Buchanan
By Missy Buchanan Special Contributor
Recently my 25-year-old daughter Beth was offended by something she’d read on Twitter: “There is nothing wrong with today's teenager that 20 years won't cure.” Even though she is no longer a teen, she was frustrated by the general assumption about young people and also the condescending tone.
Not surprisingly, my daughter is not alone. Last month I invited young people to share their thoughts about what they wished older adults understood about them. I received comments from young clergy, teenagers, youth directors and young adults. Almost every response I received mentioned words like “patronizing” or “belittling.”
Several young people told how the critical spirit of a few older adults unfairly casts a harsh light on all older adults.
One young man wished older adults understood that just because young people voice new ideas does not mean they are being disrespectful. Nor does it mean that they are trying to undermine anyone. They just want to be taken seriously by their elders.
A 34-year-old minister shared his frustration with those older adults who choose to dwell in the past and refuse to look to the future. As I often say to older adult groups, “It’s wonderful to stroll through the good ol’ days; just don’t park your RV and dwell there.”
Emily Sears, a student at Texas Christian University, wanted to remind older adults that in today’s secular culture, it is not easy for young people to walk the Christian talk. She made the point that life today is different than it was even a decade ago. With so many distractions and temptations, the youth of the church need encouragement and support from its older adults more than ever.
Glenn Miller, director of student ministries at Northside United Methodist Church in Jackson, Tenn., said older adults might be surprised to learn that young people often want to emulate positive attributes they see in their older counterparts. Many young people, he said, view older adults as accomplished, wise and comfortable in their own skin. He added that the so-called generational gap might be over-inflated, because he sees more similarities than differences between age groups, with fear being the greatest common denominator.
The lay leader for the North Texas Conference, Richard Hearne, shared his experience attending a recent Older Adult Ministry meeting in Nashville, Tenn. In an adjacent room, the Young Adult Ministry meeting was going on. When it was time to eat, the two groups segregated themselves by age at different tables in the dining hall. On the second day, Mr. Hearne invited a group of young people to join their table of older adults.
What followed was a whirlwind of conversation. After posing the question about what each group would like the other group to understand, everyone seemed to get excited.
Mr. Hearne said he learned that young people believe there are basically two types of adults in the church: those who want to retain all the power and those who are eager to pass the power on to the younger crowd, but offer little support.
One of the young participants captured what many other young persons seem to be thinking. Young people are anxious to assume responsibility and leadership roles in the church but they also want to be mentored and encouraged.
In some ways it is like teaching someone to ride a bike. First you show them the mechanics of the bicycle. Then you steady them and give them a push. Finally you run alongside, wildly cheering them on.
What older adults want young people to know and what young people want older adults to know are both important questions. We need to keep asking them. In youth groups and church councils. In seminaries and in families.
Then if we are truly to be the church, we must listen.
Ms. Buchanan, a member of FUMC Rockwall, Texas, is the author of Living with Purpose in a Worn Out Body (Upper Room Books).
Missy Buchanan
