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Commentary
AGING WELL: The family table Missy Buchanan, Dec 10, 2009
Missy Buchanan
By Missy Buchanan Special Contributor
A couple of years ago, my husband and I built a smaller home to mark the beginning of a new season in our lives. Our youngest child had completed college and had accepted a job in New York. We were real empty nesters, not just the part-time kind where kids occasionally come home to raid the pantry.
Not surprisingly, we soon discovered that transitioning to an empty nest brings mixed emotions. Though we were immensely proud of our adult children, there was a tinge of sadness knowing that life would never be the same. The decision to sell the home where we had raised our children was not an easy one, especially for this sentimental mother.
Throughout the years, the house had lovingly wrapped its arms around our family. It was the backdrop to Christmas mornings, swim parties and backyard baseball games. It was also where broken hearts were mended and beloved family members were mourned.
But life brings change. Kids grow up and leave behind dried corsages. Their sports trophies and baseball cards begin to collect dust in silent rooms. Sometimes you just know when it’s time to move on.
As we designed the plans for the new house, I began to think about which dining table to take with us. In the big house, there had been two dining areas. There was a casual, octagon-shaped table where we ate most of our meals and practiced spelling words. There was also a formal dining room where three generations of family gathered for special occasions around a table dressed with linens and china.
In our quest to simplify our lives, we had decided that the new house would have only one dining area. The only problem was that neither of the two tables seemed to fit. One was not the right shape; the other was too formal. So forgoing sentimentality, we had a table custom-built to fit the new space.
It is a sturdy, extra-wide rectangular table. It has a bench instead of chairs on one side, making it perfect for squeezing in the next generation of family members alongside our 1-year-old grandson.
It made me think about a conversation I‘d recently overheard in the church parking lot. A group of young mothers were chatting about their over-scheduled lives. They talked about shuffling children to dance and piano lessons, soccer practice and a host of after-school activities.
One mother of three confessed that her family rarely sits down to eat together. Her husband has an unpredictable schedule, so the children usually fill their plates in the kitchen then scatter to eat in their own rooms equipped with computers and televisions.
Listening to their discussion left me feeling a little gloomy. From statistics I’ve read, I knew this young mother was not alone. The number of families who actually sit down at the table to eat together is in decline. More than ever, kids are chomping down on nuggets and fries in the back seat of a van on the way to or from another event.
I thought back to the ordinary conversations around our family table. About the countless times one of the kids left the table to get an encyclopedia to settle a question about geography or history, sparked by something someone said.
I thought about the times we laughed so hard at one of my father’s stories, the entire table would shake.
I thought about the times when one of the kids was angry or sad but inwardly knew that there would always be a place for him at the table.
In this season of Advent, I have a Christmas wish: that each of us would take time to prepare the family table as we also prepare our hearts for the coming of the Christ Child.
Let us make room at the table and time for each other. Let us create a place where generations gather often, not just on Christmas Day. A place where hands are held and prayers are offered. A place where everyone is welcome.
Ms. Buchanan, a member of FUMC Rockwall, Texas, is the author of the upcoming release Talking with God in Old Age: Meditations and Psalms (Upper Room Books).
Missy Buchanan
